Lost in Translation
The cat and I have a routine. It’s hard to deviate from that schedule because it may lead to me having a bad time. It’s unspoken, but if it were to be translated, it would be this:
I get off work at three in the afternoon. I get home at around three-twenty.
The cat may or may not be in the window. We’ll assume that she is.
Cat: “Hey you’re back”
Me: “Hello, Fluff”
I walk in the door and she proceeds to roll around on the rug.
Cat: “I am glad you are back. Please pay attention to me as I am being cute for your pleasure”
Me: “Yes, you are very cute oh my goodness you are so fluffy. Hang on a sec while I get my shit together”
Cat: “I am following you to make sure you don’t forget”
I put away my things, pee, and heat up some coffee. I turn on the computer and do some stuff.
The cat hops on the desk and blocks the monitor.
Cat: “Hey, notice me because it is time”
Me: “Just let me do one more thing and then we’ll do the thing”
Cat: “Okay hurry”
I do several more things.
Cat: “Hey. Hey. Heyheyheyheyhey”
The cat continues to pester me until I feel guilty.
Me: “Okay, let’s do the thing”
I open the drawer to reveal her toy.
Cat: “OH MY GOD THE TOY YES OH SHIT I’M GONNA GET THAT BITCH OH SHIT IT’S IN THE BAG NOW IT’S ON THE CHAIR NOW IT’S ON ME HOW DARE YOU I WILL DESTROY YOU OR I WILL DRAG YOU AROUND FOR A WHILE NO IT ESCAPED I WILL GET YOU oh look there’s a bird outside”
I put the toy away.
Me: “It is time for some sleeps. Please do not disturb me”
Cat: “I may or may not refrain from attacking you in your slumber”
It’s nice to have some structure.
1 day ago with 10 notes